Let’s talk about sex baby!!

Don’t get to scared I’m not going all fifty shades of grey on you all – or am i

Recently I’ve found myself in a few conversations about “Disability and Sex” so being the person I am ‘let’s talk about sex as a Disabled married women.

The most common question I get asked is do you/can you have SEX – so here’s my answer absolutely YES even as a nearly 40 yr old wheelchair user with muscular dystrophy I do have sexy time with my hubby, thinking outside the box is sometimes needed plus willing to be that little more adventurous.

I find that conversations regarding inclusion and diversity there’s always one group that seems to be left out of the conversation: those living with a disability. Few films, television shows or brand campaigns today showcase members of the disabled community. Moreover, sex for those living with a disability remains totally tabooed. 

I found a quote that I wanted to share that in my eyes totally sums up just how people  tend to see Disabled people – Young actress Coco de Bruycker said,

“No one really links disability to beauty, sexual attraction or eroticism.”

So in an effort to shed light on the sex lives of the disabled here we go.

Sex is a very different feeling for me now as an Disabled women having that body confidence and feeling sexually attractive isn’t like it was when i was an able bodied size 10 with size C boobs seems a life time ago, it’s definitely a far cry to the way I feel these days, feeling sexy/sexual can be very hard when all you see is a belly that makes you look like your just about to pop triplets out. My Disability has changed my body in many ways not just weight gain, my joints aren’t as agile as they used to be so moving around can be painful.

All of this impacts my relationship with my body and obviously my own relationship with my body impacts my sex life. So it’s been a journey and always will be. I’m extremely lucky to have an understanding hubby that tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how much he wants me. My hope is to work on my relationship with my own body and deal with the constant changes that my disability throws at me so that I’m fully able to indulge in a great and healthy sex life.

There’s two things I wish people would know about living with a disability.

First, it absolutely impacts your sex life I think people infrequently talk about disabilities that able-bodied people may not even realize how a disability or illness can impact the way you feel about your body and in turn the way you feel about or experience sex.

Second, I’d love for people to consider that there are many people who live with a disability that’s an invisible illness an illness that you can’t see from the outside, If we walk around while keeping this in the back of our minds, I think we’d all have a lot more or even just a little more understanding of each other. Living with a disability provides you with a lot of mental and physical challenges that directly impact your sex life and relationships – whether or not you can see those challenges from the outside. It’s so important to talk about these experiences with your partner so that they can not only cater to your pleasure, but perhaps avoid circumstances that might otherwise make you uncomfortable. Maybe sometimes your disability messes with your confidence, maybe you’re not even feeling well enough to have sex, maybe there’s a part/parts of your body you’d prefer not be touched or a position that causes you pain, these are all things we should communicate with our partners.

In all honesty, I think hiding your experiences and struggles can often resulted in a wall forming between you and your partner. I was very honest in telling my now husband about my Disability as It was very visible as I had a  crutch when we first started our relationship! We’ve had to learn along the way communication is key as my Disability gradually worsen.

The only way we can break the stigma of living with disabilities or invisible illness is if we share our own experiences, and truly listen and empathize with others.

Feel free to leave me comment sharing your experiences or feeling about Disability and sex.

Kerry x

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