Would you change it if you could?

A question I have definitely been asked a thousand times – Imagine if you could re-write your footprint though history.

Would you do it?

Removing all of your struggles, heartache and pain. Rewriting every regret – every bad decision?

Would you, take more chances – be braver or try harder?

Would you, sit through your life’s Polaroids cutting and editing out all the crappy parts of your history, discarding parts of your life’s history just to create your one perfect lifetime story?

A little bit tempted. It’s very easy to sit and daydream about the what if’s or if i wasn’t, i am not ashamed to say I have a few times since becoming disabled often wondering what my life would be like now had I not inherited Muscular Dystrophy a Progressive muscle weakening condition. When those daydreams start it’s hard to resist, it’s like your mind is being invaded with I wonder or I wish.

I wish I could stand next to my husband holding hands.

I wish I could remember what it feels like walking barefoot in the sand.

I wish I could physically hug my family.

Would I really want to change the life I’m living now changing the person I am today? – Because both isn’t an option, I cannot have my current reality and changing my past is genetically impossible.

By now you’ve probably rolled your eyes thinking It’s impossible to change your past so why are we even talking about this. But stay with me a little longer.

I have always believed things happen for a reason – some believe life is a series of accidents. From the moment of our first cries we’re thrown into a life we have no real control over, the earliest moments of our lives are a product of decisions and actions from parents or caregivers. It’s not until later on in life we start deciding and following our own path in life.

For some of us our path in life is paved out in genetic form which we have no control over and if we are truly honest no one asks to be disabled and that is okay to admit it’s a natural feeling to have at some point in life – doesn’t mean anything other than just that a simple thought.

When you truly consider every decision and action we make on a daily basis and can comprehend how the slightest change in your days could effect your life, you start to think of where you are and everything that had to happen for you to get where you are right now!

Now, I could wish my mum didn’t have the genetic genes that passed muscular dystrophy onto myself or my brother as I’m sure my mum and grandparents at some point in their lives had the same thoughts.

But my life didn’t go that way and if muscular dystrophy had missed my generation, there is no guarantee I would be where I today: Married, healthy (other than the obvious), safe and happy. So while it may seem perfectly reasonable to say that I would absolutely change my life footprint, I wouldn’t.

I certainly wouldn’t re-write my life because I love my life. I would not be the person I am today to ease all my past and future struggles, the lessons, the conversations, the understanding and the growth in myself why deny myself of that.

Never live with regret – if you think your going to regret saying it or doing it afterwards – don’t do it!

Everyone has struggles and as much as I don’t believe in having regrets I know people do. And I understand maybe your pain is too much. Maybe you would go back and re-write your story in a heartbeat, I certainly wouldn’t judge if you did.

Coming to peace with the negative aspects of your history takes a lot of hard work, a lot of self-reflection, even then, there are still some things that are just too hard. But being able to look at your life in the present and being able to say that changing what’s happened or your genetic footprint isn’t worth risking what I have now, is a pretty powerful sentiment.

I would love to hear your thoughts would you re-write your history? And why? Leave me a comment.

Kisses K

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4 thoughts on “Would you change it if you could?

  1. I’ve had some bad moments in life… I used to be a major overachiever and I burned out. I’m thankful for all the knowledge I gained during that time, but it would have been wiser to slow down and focus on becoming good at the things I liked instead of trying to be perfect at everything.

    Today, I count myself lucky. I might not be successful by conventional standards, but I’m reasonably happy. That means life is better than it used to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I too believe that everything happens for a reason. I can wholeheartedly relate to not being able to hold hands with hubby anymore. Would I change anything? No but I do have a love/hate relationship with my disabilities. Maybe hate is too strong of a word, more frustrated then anything 💚

    Liked by 1 person

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