Being disabled does NOT make me a burden to my partner. Being disabled does NOT make me a burden to anyone!
Lets call it the B-Word I’ve never approach this subject before so why now; I think it’s probably a word I know I’ve felt many time before as I’m sure many other disabled people have in the past, present and future. As a disabled person myself it’s hard not to sometimes feel like a burden on my partner and everyone else around me, it’s difficult not to feel that way when your so reliant on others for your every day care needs.
I’ve been very honest in the past about how I’ve struggled with my Disability in the past and It’s taken took a long time for me to work through my demons and I guess as soon as I began believing that being disabled wasn’t a bad thing, my mindset quickly changed.
The definition of a burden is ~ ‘A heavy load’ and a ‘worrying responsibility’. And I totally get it, loved ones worry about you, disabled or not. But when you think of your partner, you don’t want to be a ‘worrying responsibility’ to them.
What exactly makes a person a burden? You see it, read it and hear it whether it be your disability or for any other reasoning your an inconvenience? Maybe yes, it’s because I’m disabled, but I’ve never really thought of someones accessibility needs as an issue. Like never considering someones need to use of a ramp problematic. Have you!?
I’ve always said not everyone will understand plus not expecting those that don’t know and/or interact with disabled people, we are very aliens to them call it lack of knowledge, understanding, to them we offer nothing to Society as harsh as that sounds that how some no all but some see us, but how WRONG are they. Very!
Yes, we are disabled but we are also human with personalities, just like you. Those that tend to think that disabled people are burdens can’t see past the disabilities, we are nothing more than objects that need something more than they are willing to give.
back to why I started this my partner…
I’ve been with Nicky for 13 years 5 of those we’ve been married (or as he loves to tell people a life sentence!) i never expected or would I have ever asked for him to care for me, he just did and not once have he made out like I’m an inconvenience because of my health. Yes my disability is a huge factor in our relationship/marriage, my disability is just another part of what makes me, me. Our life is dissimilar to our friends relationships and that’s fine because our ‘us’ works for us.
Some people looking in might think that just because he does almost everything around the house aswell as getting me dressed, showered etc. I am a burden to him, but I’m not plus he’ll happily tell you that himself. How do I know this? Because he see more than my Disability. Yes, I have a disability but I’m so much more. It doesn’t make me incapable of loving or being loved. This just means my needs are different and I have a man that caters for them without question, making us the dream TEAM!
Hubby may do all the physical things, like cleaning or cooking but like I said we work as a team and my role is sorting and pay the bills, food shopping online, Christmas, birthdays. All this might seem trivial things to most but these are the things I can do that just takes that little bit of pressure away, as he dies the same for me when he helps me. Of course we argue, make up, we laugh till we cry, joke, take the Mickey out of each other, I’d say we share a duet but he totally steels it all! we take silly pictures, mimic each other, I could totally go on but as you can read were just like any other couples, I’m not a burden to him and he’s not a burden to me. And well if you are him how you get though a day his answer would be ‘I’ve got Kez’ I am as much his priority as he is mine, completely taking disability out of the equation; we’re just two people in a relationship that care for each others welfare and happiness like everyone else in a marriage/relationship.
The B-word is always dropped by outsiders that have no idea about the people they’re commenting on. Those pretending I have the best interest on both parties but secretly never saying it’s just pitying of the abled person thinking they can have a better more freer life if only they didn’t have a disabled partner.
Let’s get real disabled or not anyone could be called a burden for any number of reasons, it’s just those of us that require a little bit more help than others are seen as more of burden.
I choose love, and love conquers all.
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5 thoughts on “Being Disabled does not make me a burden to my partner”
This is beautiful. I’m glad you have Nick and agree totally with your thoughts re why people misunderstand those of us with disabilities. My husband Alfredo and I have been together 14 years and married almost 1. He has the same attitude towards me as Nick does towards you. My parents fear he’ll get overwhelmed, but he doesn’t. Just cause they do doesn’t mean he will. Alfredo does everything plus the chores and he also says he has me and that’s all he needs.
I hate this assumption by family/ friends or strangers that it’ll automatically be too much for him.