I’m going to keep with the theme of taboo subjects when it comes to disability – last week I spoke about ‘talking about disability seen as a taboo subject’ the week it sex and disabled people!
Why? Because sex seems to be one of the top questions on some people’s minds when having a conversation with us. Research by the charity Scope in 2019 found that only 7% of non-disabled people have dated a disabled person, while disabled young people are let down when it comes to sex education, often receiving none at all, or nothing appropriate to their needs.
Let’s really want to get down to the sheets if disabled people aren’t having sex, they would like to. And the reasons they’re not are overwhelmingly to do with the barriers within society. There is no shame in sex I have heard from quite a few disabled people who [because of this] have resigned themselves to never having sex.”
This isn’t just wrong because of the obvious: sex is fun, sex connects you intimately with someone, it also enables procreation, it’s nothing to be ashamed of wanting or having sex as a disabled person. It’s also part of a process of denying disabled people full humanity, which makes it easier to marginalise us in other ways.
Our sex lives can be as rich and rewarding as anyone else’s, take myself for instance i am happily married to my non-disabled husband we have a healthy sex life – we enjoy each other, is that really seen as a bad thing!?
I’ve noticed when dealing with disability or chronic illness there’s a big sense that sex isn’t something you should be worrying or talking about as a disabled person. It seems like your expected to exist in a shadow world of sadness and struggle, certainly not entitled to enjoy life – especially if you’re claiming benefits i.e. PIP or DLA but that’s a whole other blog).
Attitudes are slowly changing a little. With mainstream media coverage of disabled people dating and having sex has become more common in recent years, from Channel 4’s The Undateables, articles exploring topics like accessible sex toys. And disabled influences/models are now being seen on Instagram and the catwalk in major ad campaigns.
However, I definitely don’t give the media a huge amount of credit for this. I do believe disabled people themselves have by using social media and blogging over the years has made it more comfortable for disabled people to share experiences and voice their opinions about sex – taking control of the narratives around our lives. Sex bloggers with disabilities are talking frankly about the challenges – and joys – of sex in their particular bodies:
So let’s continue to talk about sex as disabled people, it’s nothing to be ashamed of – if you haven’t and want to or if you have an Active an amazing sex life – we all have our journeys when it comes to having sex.
How do you feel about sex do you think it’s a taboo subject yes or no? what are your reasons? – I would love to hear from you leave me a comment
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