I can’t remember!

My body is forever changing as I get older. But not quite in the way you might be thinking. Everyone’s body changes in different ways, for instance; you might gain or lose a few pounds, your hair changes colour or becomes thinner, your complexion isn’t quite the same as when you was younger and yes even though miner cosmetic work. Whether it’s through growing older or the minor tweaks we might possibly do ourselves there is no question that we never stay the the same, our bodies change.

I’m no different to most. The older I get the more I miss my youthful self especially when I look back at myself in the mirror – who is that forty something looking back at me I am definitely not that old, all while of course saying ‘I can totally full off saying I’m 29 still!’

However. My body doesn’t just look older on the outside, and to the naked eye people just see me as growing older. Living with a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy a Progressive muscle wasting condition I lose more than my youthful looks. I lose the ability to do the simplest of day to day tasks, like putting a bra or socks on. Making a cup of tea. Opening the front door. Itching my own nose.

I have no choice but to buckle down and get on with it all while trying to adapt at the same time. Is it an easy task. Heck no. I would be lying if I said watching and feeling my body fail me day in and day out is hard mentally and physically.

I miss my old body. I miss my strong muscles that worked without even thinking about it.

But I also can’t remember what it’s like.

I can’t remember what it’s like to lift one arm let alone both at the same time by myself.

I can’t remember what it’s like to walk and walk and walk till your legs are so tired you just want to collapse like a heap on the floor.

I can’t remember how to stand up or that feeling you get when you stand and need to stretch so tall you think you can touch the ceiling.

I can’t remember what it feels like the wind on your face as you are running.

I can’t remember what it’s like to cross my legs as I’m sitting on the floor.

I can’t remember that feeling of just doing all of those things without thinking about doing them.

I can’t remember….did I take my body for granted when I could!?

Everyone’s body changes the older we get that unfortunately is a path we can’t change. Maybe modify slightly though cosmetic or looking after ourselves better as we get older just for some of us the changes are a little different.

I might have forgotten how it feels and miss my young body – but I am happy with the person it has moulded me into, it has taught me to be more patient. It’s taught me to look at the world in a very different way. It is taught me don’t take things for granted because you never know when life takes you on a different path.

Until next time, what do you miss?

Kisses K

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