If you didn’t already know mental health awareness week is coming up 14th-20th May (in the uk)
I sometimes wonder if me sharing my world is a good idea!? Does anyone really want to know the ins and outs of my life no matter how good or bad, but then do I sit in silent!?
I didn’t start blogging for attention or sympathy or just because I was bored but to write my feeling down no matter how good or bad they are. Kind of like my own therapy session.
So here I am on a day where my depression has the better of me sitting on my own crying just because, I don’t know’
where I feel my words mean nothing no matter how much I try to speak it’s all wrong, where my feeling don’t mean anything to anyone but myself.
Finding myself stuck in my own body and mind, old childhood feeling creeping in, feelings of abandonment because I’m not good enough as a person. Being misunderstood because understanding even what goes on around my head is hard enough.
Fighting a body that doesn’t want to work how I want it to, missing a life I once had, asking the question out loud ‘WHY ME’ but getting no answer back.
Feeling like a burden, wanting to scream but nothing comes out but silence, closing my eyes and feeling sadness.
Not understanding the ‘why’ like I’m a child again, not being able to get my head around my own thoughts. Telling myself your better than this stop it.
Not liking the person I see looking back at me in the mirror because she’s Snappy, moody, unhappy, scared, confused, ashamed, lonely. The black darkness has taken over my mind.
Behind every smile you see is a smile fighting everyday to keep that smile from cracking as it has right now! Behind every positive thing I do or say is me fighting to keep that happy bubbly person from breaking.
Isn’t a swear word it’s real, it’s here, it’s not going away, it’s always looming in the background you just can’t see it all the time.
it can sometimes be a battle of good and bad everyday. But for every bad day I have these days I have more greater days.
This is me laying it bare for you all to read,
Facts on mental health
• 1 in 4 Adults and 1 in 10 children in the UK will experience mental health in any given year.
• Mental health can strike at anytime.
• It can affect anyone from all walks of life.
• Can affect their ability to sustain relationships, work or getting though the day.
• It’s estimated that only a quarter of people with mental health problems in the UK receive ongoing treatment.
You don’t have to have a disability like me, depression can affect any walks of life
Don’t live in silence speak to someone your GP, close friend or family member.
Samaritans day or night on 116123