Rejections; an emotion that’s never top of our list to feel.
You have all kinds of rejections from a job you wanted but didn’t get to a partner or friend, then the rejection I’m feeling from a parent. No matter what type of rejection it is it’s never easy.
I don’t know if it’s just because it’s christmas but generally I don’t think or care about my dad as it’s been nearly 5 years since I’ve spoken to him, but today (christmas day) for some reason knowing that he drove past my house more than twice has messed with my head a little.
So many questions of why; am I not good enough for you to want to make the effort, to even post a card though the door.
why, is it really so hard to be my father and love me.
Why, do you not care.
Call me crazy but surely no matter what when you become a parent it’s for life I’m not just an object you can throw away when you don’t want it anymore!
But then is it Rejection when you walked away from a toxic situation!? But then in the same sentence he’s always flitted in and out of my life never a constant or permanent fixture as my father.
So why am I allowing it to bother me?! why am I surprised that I’m not even a thought.
Surly a parent is meant to do better, no!
My end thoughts – I’m not sure the feeling of rejection from my father will ever disappear no matter what age I am as I’ve felt it all my life whether he was in it or not. But for my mental health I’ve learnt to talk about it and deal with it differently. will I ever understand or find out why probably not.